


His Brightest Star

by E_Hiiragizawa



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Friendship/Love, High School, Long-Distance Friendship, Online Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28955676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/E_Hiiragizawa/pseuds/E_Hiiragizawa
Summary: "You will always be the brightest star in my universe..."Sakura thought that after he left, she should move on. She accepted Syaoran's love confession and moved on with her life, or so she thought. But she knew she was lying to herself. Luckily, she had an online friend who had proven to be a good friend for her.
Relationships: Eriol Hiiragizawa/Kinomoto Sakura





	His Brightest Star

_Dear Midnight Magician,_

_I finally did it. I broke up with my boyfriend. I know what you're going to say, that I should give him another chance, that maybe feelings will change with time. But it's been a year and I still don't feel it. My feelings haven't changed and I doubt it will. It's not that I don't like him, it's not that I don't care about him. I do. But it's not in the same way that he cares about me and I don't want to hurt him anymore. Staying with me, it will only hurt him in the end, and I don't want that. He's a dear friend, has always been one, and I know that what I did has destroyed our friendship, but I can't pretend anymore._

_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bore you with the details. You've been a great friend to me and I'm really grateful that I can talk to you._

_Speaking of, how are you doing? I haven't heard from you in a week. Things must've been busy for you. I hope to hear from you soon, MM._

_Your friend,_

_Cherry Blossom_

Sakura clicked 'Send' and closed the mail application. She leaned back in her chair and let out a heavy sigh.

After they graduated from elementary school, Sakura, Tomoyo and Syaoran went to the same junior high school and remained good friends. At the end of their second year, Syaoran confessed his feelings for her and asked her to be his girlfriend. Sakura didn't feel the same way about him, but she accepted his confession anyway because she thought that maybe she'd grow to like him the way he did.

Syaoran was everything that a girl could ask for in a boyfriend. He was kind and caring. He treated her with respect and took care of her. Sakura should be the happiest girl, but she wasn't. Their relationship went on and still, Sakura couldn't bring herself to return his feelings. They went on dates, spent time together, but she knew deep down that her feelings for him would never change. She cared a great deal about him, that's true. But it wasn't the same, wasn't the same with what he felt for her.

Touya and Kero didn't approve of their relationship and were not afraid to voice out their opinions. Yue didn't say anything either way, and her Dad took a more neutral stance, letting her explore on her own, but also letting her know that she could always talk to him.

Tomoyo was overjoyed when Sakura and Syaoran got together last year. She had always been their biggest fan, so to speak. Sakura tried to talk to her about her feelings, but Tomoyo told her that feelings changed, that Sakura should give Syaoran a chance, should give them a chance. So she did. Sakura gave them a chance and after a year, she finally had to admit that it just wouldn't work.

About two years ago, someone invited Sakura to join an online pen pal group. Thinking that it would be fun, she accepted the invitation and joined, hoping to make friends from all over the world. She exchanged a few mails with some people, but after a while, it stopped as life went on, except for this one friend. His pen name was Midnight Magician and even though Sakura had found it tacky at first, he'd proven himself to be a good friend. He had reached out to her first, to say hi, and introduced himself. They kept on exchanging mails and Sakura found herself opening up to him, this stranger, more and more as they talked about their daily life.

At first, they talked about general stuff, as they tried to get to know each other better. Sakura learned that he was from England and that he lived in Japan for a while, hence he was able to communicate in Japanese. He joined the group to meet new people, just like she did, along with thousands others. They corresponded regularly and Sakura found it very easy to talk to him. She couldn't explain it, but it felt like she had known him for longer than two years, although that was impossible, seeing that she didn't even know who he was.

Sakura had talked to him about Syaoran, about her feelings and what she was going through in the past year, He'd been encouraging. Just like her father, he took a neutral stance, listening to her, but never overstepped his boundaries.

Sakura's thoughts shifted to what happened yesterday, what she did. They just graduated from junior high and were about to go to high school. Syaoran had to go back to Hong Kong to take care of some business. Sakura knew that his family wanted him to go back to Hong Kong for good and take up his responsibility as the future leader of the Li clan. But he told her that he would try to talk to them, to tell them that he wanted to stay here in Japan, with her, that he would fight for them.

Sakura knew she should be elated, but in reality, she wasn't. Instead, she used this as an opportunity to break things off with him. She knew it was cruel and that she would hurt him, but she didn't want him to fight for her, didn't want him to go against his family for her. So yesterday, she went to his apartment and to end things.

As expected, he was hurt and angry. He didn't understand why she broke things off with him.

"I will fight for us, Sakura. I swear it! Just you wait for me. I'll come back for you." Syaoran said, thinking that she broke things off because she didn't think he'd come back for her.

"No, Syaoran. I don't want you to defy your family because of me." Sakura tried to explain.

"They'll understand. I know they will. Just give me some time." Syaoran tried to persuade her.

Sakura shook her head. "No. That's not… I can't do this anymore."

"I know it's been difficult. But my family is not unreasonable. They'll see that I…" Syaoran tried again, but Sakura cut him off.

"It's not about your family, Syaoran. It's about us." Sakura said.

"What do you mean?" Now Syaoran looked confused. "What about us?"

"I…" Sakura looked down on the floor for a while, but then she looked up to him. If she was going to tell him, she needed to look at him in the eyes. She owed him that much. "I care so much about you. But not in the same way that you care about me."

Syaoran was shocked. "What… What do you mean?"

"I thought my feelings for you would change, if we got together, then maybe I'd grow to care about you the way you care about me, but it's been a year and…" Sakura took a deep breath. "You're a great guy, Syaoran and you deserve someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. But… That person, it's not me. I'm sorry."

Syaoran took a step back. "But… We've been together for a year, Sakura! A year! Don't tell me you don't care about me at all?"

"I do. I told you, I do. You're a great friend, one of my best friends, but…"

"But I will never be more than that, won't I?" Syaoran finished for her. He knew. He'd always known. He wasn't stupid. He could feel it, that Sakura's feelings for him were not the same. But he told himself that if only they had more time, if only they knew each other better. "I will never be him."

"That's not fair!" Sakura said.

"Fair?!" Now Syaoran was angry. "You want to talk about fair, Sakura?! All this time, you led me on, you let us be, and now you break up with me because you don't feel the same way?! Because you still hope for him?!"

"I'm sorry. I know I hurt you and that I'm being unfair to you, to us… But this is about us, Syaoran. It has nothing to do with him."

"He's gone, Sakura! He left you to go back to England! He doesn't care about you!" Syaoran yelled at her. She'd hurt him and as much as he cared about her, he was hurt and angry. "Can't you see? All he cares about is the cards! He didn't want them to die, his beloved creations. But you? You mean nothing to him! You're just a mean to get what he wants!"

Sakura knew he would be angry and she had braced herself, but she didn't expect him to attack her like this. Tears started to flow down her cheeks.

Seeing her tears, Syaoran realized what he had done. "Sakura, I… I'm sorry. I…"

"It's okay." Sakura wiped her tears. "I'm sorry, Syaoran. I hope, I hope you'll be happy. Have a safe trip home. Goodbye." Sakura turned around and walked away.

Syaoran looked resigned. "Goodbye, Sakura." He said to an empty apartment.

* * *

_Dear Cherry Blossom,_

_I'm sorry to hear that, CB. It must've been difficult for you. Losing a friend always is, especially one whom you care deeply about. You've been very brave and I admire you for that, to be able to acknowledge your own feelings and stand up for them. It's not an easy thing to do. It's something that I've been struggling with all these years._

_I've never told you this, but there's someone that I really care about, a girl. She's the most wonderful girl that I've ever known. She's the most kind-hearted person and she has the brightest, most beautiful smile that I've ever seen. I care a lot about her, but I could never tell her that.  
_

_Ah, I'm sorry. Look at me, rambling on about myself. I'm not being a good friend, am I? How are you doing, CB? I hope you're doing okay. I'm sorry it took me a while to reply. Things have been pretty busy at my end. Hope to talk to you soon._

_Your friend,_

_Midnight Magician_

Sakura smiled sadly. She certainly knew how it felt, to care deeply about someone without being able to tell them.

Sakura closed her eyes and an image of a blue haired guy appeared in her mind. It had been a long time since she allowed herself to think about him, but after her talk with Syaoran yesterday, she couldn't help but think of him.

Sakura didn't know how or when it began, but for years now, she had been having feelings for him. After she changed the last of her cards, he stayed in Japan. Their friendship grew as he helped her understand more about her magic. They spent a lot of their times together, talking about magic, about life, and they became close friends, or so Sakura thought.

During summer holiday of their first year of junior high, he left. Just like that. No explanation, nothing. Not even a goodbye. It was like one day he woke up and decided to leave.

Needless to say, she'd been hurt. She had grown so accustomed to having him around that not seeing him made her miss him. That was when she realized that what she felt for him was more than just friendship. But he didn't feel the same way about her. He left and she was broken hearted.

Sakura let out a sigh. Maybe that was why she accepted Syaoran's confession in the first place, in hope that once they got together, maybe she'd be able to forget about him, the one who'd been plaguing her dreams for the past few years. As it turned out, she was wrong. Even until now, her feelings for him had never changed.

Sakura clicked on 'Reply'.

_Dear Midnight Magician,_

_I'm doing okay, actually. After I broke things off with him, it feels like a big burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm… relieved. Now I don't have to pretend anymore, I don't have to lie anymore, both to him and to myself. All in all, I believe that it's the right thing to do, although I regret that I have hurt him so._

_Thank you for telling me about the girl. She sounds like a great girl. She must be a very lucky girl to have someone like you who cares a lot about her. It's probably none of my business, but I think you should tell her how you feel._

_I know that it could be scary, but I think she deserves to know. As to whether she feels the same way about you, well, you'll never know until you try, right?_

_I should go now. I have some chores to do. Hope to talk to you soon. Take care._

_Your friend,_

_Cherry Blossom_

Sakura closed her laptop and got up from her seat. She had to prepare dinner.

* * *

_Six months later…_

"Alright, class. Settle down, please." Their homeroom teacher said at the beginning of the day.

Today was the first day back to school for Sakura and her friends after their summer holiday. Sakura went to the summer festival with Tomoyo and enjoyed herself. She hadn't heard from Syaoran at all, but she didn't expect to. She'd hurt him and she didn't expect to hear from him so soon, if ever. She had hoped that they'd still remain friends, but it looked like he decided to cut off all ties with her.

Tomoyo was surprised when she heard about their breakup, but she had been supportive, which Sakura was grateful for. However, ever since that day, she never heard back from her online friend, Midnight Magician. He never replied to her mail. Sakura figured she might've offended him by telling him to tell the girl, but she'd never know. She tried to reach out to him, but he never replied and she felt a keen sense of loss. It was just like what he said, losing a friend was never easy. She just never imagined that losing an online friend would be this hard. But she didn't allow herself to dwell on that. Now that she was in high school, she would be busy enough as it was without her having to add any drama into her life. So, she cut her losses and moved on with her life.

The class settled down and the teacher started the day. "Today we have a new transfer student." The teacher said. "Come on in."

The door opened and the students looked at the doorway curiously.

When the new student stepped into the classroom, Sakura's eyes widened and her heart skipped a beat.

It had been three years since she last saw him, but he hadn't changed. Well, he grew up, but other than that, he remained the same. He had grown taller, a lot taller, but he still had the same short dark blue hair that fell over his forehead, being parted in the middle. He still wore glasses, although he had changed his glasses to a different type. Instead of a round, big glasses, he now wore a rectangle wire frame glasses that complimented his grown up face. His face too, had matured up, with a more defined cheekbones and jaws that reminded her a lot of his former self.

"This is Eriol Hiiragizawa. He transferred from England." The teacher said and wrote his name on the board. He then looked around the classroom. "Hiiragizawa, you can sit behind Kinomoto. Kinomoto, please raise your hand."

' _No!_ ' Sakura thought. ' _What is he doing here? Now?_ '

"Kinomoto?" The teacher called again, bringing Sakura back from her musing. "Can you raise your hand so that Hiiragizawa would know where to sit?"

"Ah, sorry." Sakura said and raised her hand.

Eriol calmly walked to his seat. As he neared her table, he slowed down, but she kept looking ahead, refusing to give him any attention, so he walked past her and sat down at his desk.

The class started and it took everything in her to pay attention to the teacher, to not turn around and look at him, or to demand explanation as to why he left. Syaoran's words came back to her. All he cared about was the cards, not her. That was why he left her, because she meant nothing to him.

The bell rang to signal that it was now lunch break.

"Sakura…" Tomoyo started. She knew of her friend's feelings for the blue haired mage and knew it must be difficult for her to see him now. She didn't understand why he was here now, after he left three years ago. Truth to be told, Tomoyo was still angry at him for doing that, for breaking her friend's heart.

"Not now, Tomoyo." Sakura got up and walked away. She needed to be alone right now, to think, to deal with her own feelings after seeing him again.

Sakura kept on walking until she reached the back of the school. She sat down on the bench. For a few moments, she just sat there, but then she realized she was crying. Seeing him again, it had brought back memories and emotions that she had tried to forget and bury for the past few years.

Then she felt it. Years later, and she hadn't forgotten his presence. She doubted she ever would. He had let her feel it, of course. He could hide his presence from her effortlessly, but he had let her feel it. "Come out." Sakura said and wiped her tears, not wanting him to see them, to see the effect of his presence on her.

He slowly walked out from behind the trees and approached her. He stopped in front of her. "Hello, Sakura. It's been a while." Eriol said, offering her a smile.

After three years, hearing his voice and seeing his smile again brought back a lot of things, things that she didn't want to deal with right now. She had heard his voice in her dreams, but he wasn't a kid anymore and his voice had changed. It was deeper, more mature now. But his smile? It was just like how she remembered it to be, how she saw it in her dreams.

Sakura didn't return his smile. Instead, she stood up and glared at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I miss… Japan and I thought I'd come back to see how things are, how you are." He said. "You seem well, I'm glad."

Sakura had to take a deep breath to calm herself down. He seemed calm, as he always was, as if seeing her again didn't affect him. ' _Maybe it doesn't. After all, he doesn't care about me._ ' She thought bitterly, but out loud she said, "Are you here for the cards? Rest assured, they're fine. You have nothing to worry about."

"I'm glad to hear that too." Eriol said, still with that smile, still patiently.

Suddenly Sakura wanted to wipe that smile off his face. "There, now you know how they're doing. You can leave. Just like you did three years ago."

That did it. His smile faltered. "Sakura…" He started, but she didn't give him any chance to speak.

"That's why you left, isn't it? Because you know they're not dying anymore. You've got nothing else to hold you back here, no one else." Sakura hadn't planned to say all these, but she couldn't stop herself. And once she started, she couldn't stop. All of the anger and the hurt came flooding back. "You left, no explanation, nothing! So why are you here now, Eriol?! Why did you come back?!"

"I…" Eriol seemed to be at loss of words.

"I thought we were friends. I thought… I thought our friendship, what we had, it had meant something to you. But I was wrong. You were here for the cards and nothing else. How stupid of me to assume otherwise… To assume that, that…" Sakura couldn't continue.

"Sakura, please let me explain." Eriol said as he took a step towards her.

"What's there to explain? You left without saying anything, not even a goodbye. There's no point to explain anything now." Sakura took a step back. "Have a good day, Hiiragizawa."

With that, Sakura walked away, leaving him standing there by himself.

After that, Sakura pretty much ignored him. He didn't try to talk to her again, which she appreciated. But seeing him everyday, it was starting to take a toll on her and her emotional well-being. She wished she could talk to someone, someone who would understand, who would listen to her without judgment. Someone like Midnight Magician.

_Dear Midnight Magician,_

_I know we haven't talked in months and you're probably busy now. I don't know why you stopped writing, but I hope I haven't done anything to offend you. I don't even know if you're going to read this, but I really need to talk to someone, so here goes nothing._

_A few years ago, I met this boy. We started off well and we became friends. You see, this boy, he came to Japan for a reason, he came here to help me with something. After he was done helping me, we grew closer together and I started to develop feelings for him. I grew to care about him, just like you care about that girl. But then, one day, he left. No explanation, not even a goodbye. He just left._

_For the past three years, I've been struggling with this, with my own feelings. You mentioned that I was brave to acknowledge my own feelings, well, you're wrong. I refused to acknowledge them and I tried to bury them instead. Thinking back, maybe that's why I accepted my former boyfriend's confession. So that I could pretend that the other guy didn't exist, hoping that my feelings for him would fade._

_Now, you might be wondering why I started talking about this boy now. You see, he came back. I don't know why and at this point, I don't think I even want to know. He came back and acted as if nothing happened between us, as if he didn't leave me three years ago, confused and heart broken. But that's the thing, MM, even after all these years, I still care deeply about him, even though I know that I mean nothing to him. I told you that I'm done pretending, but I'm still pretending. I'm still pretending that I'm okay, that seeing him again didn't hurt._

_I'm sorry to dump this all on you, but I don't know who else to talk to. Well, I hope that all is well at your end. How did it go with that girl? Did you tell her how you feel? I hope that we can talk again._

_Your friend,_

_Cherry Blossom_

Sakura hesitated briefly but then she pressed the 'Send' button. She didn't expect him to reply, he hadn't for the past few months. But she felt lighter now that she had gotten that off her chest.

"Sakura, dinner's ready!" Fujitaka called from downstairs.

"Coming, Dad!" Sakura closed her laptop and left.

* * *

One week later, Sakura was surprised to see the notification that she got a mail from Midnight Magician.

Sakura went upstairs and to her laptop so that she could read his reply undisturbed as Kero was playing video games in the living room downstairs.

_Dear Cherry Blossom,_

_I'm sorry I haven't written to you for months. A lot of things have changed and I got busy. But when I read your last mail, I knew I had to reply._

_I see you remember about the girl. Please allow me to give you a little backstory about this girl. You see, this girl, she's very special and she's very dear to my heart. I've known her for so long and I've cared about her for years. When I first saw her, I was taken by her, so much so that I knew that I would do anything for her. We got to know each other and we became friends. As we grew closer, I realized more and more how special she is and that I don't deserve her._

_So I left. She means everything to me, more than she could ever know and it killed me to leave her. But I had to leave so that she could be happy. She had this other friend and I know that he cared about her too and from the look of things, I thought she also cared about him. I didn't want to stand in their way, but I couldn't stand seeing them together either. So being the coward that I am, I left. I didn't even have the courage to say goodbye to her because I knew that if I had, I wouldn't be able to leave her. I left without saying goodbye and I've never forgiven myself ever since._

_I followed your advice, you know. That's why I haven't been writing to you. I know that after what I've done, I couldn't just tell her how I feel. I know she's angry and hurt, and I deserve that. So, after months of building up my courage, I went to see her. I wanted to start fixing things between us, but I think I'm too late._

_But here's the thing, CB, even after all these years, my feelings for her have never changed and I just want her to know that she is still and will always be the brightest star in my universe._

_Your friend,_

_Midnight Magician_

Sakura's hands flew to her mouth. ' _No! It can't be!_ ' She reread the mail again and just to be sure, she reopened the other mails from him.

How could she not see it? The timeline matched perfectly. When they started to talk online, how he had reached out to her, how much he had understood her, how she felt that she had known him for years, and his name! His pen name! How could she be so blind?

For the next few minutes, Sakura just sat there in shock. But then she got up and rushed downstairs.

"Sakura?" Kero asked in surprise. "Where are you going?!"

"Out!" Sakura said shortly as she put on her shoes.

"What?! Now?! How about my lunch?!" Kero asked, but Sakura ignored him. She stepped out of the door and slammed the door shut behind her.

"Bastard!" Sakura muttered as she ran to his house. She ran there as fast as her legs would carry her and arrived there in record time. "Open the gate!" She yelled as she stood there in front of the iron gate.

The gate slowly opened and Sakura didn't even wait for it to open fully before rushing inside. She made her way to the front door and it opened even before she started knocking. Sakura went inside, slipped her shoes off and went in hunt for him.

"Where the hell are you?!" Sakura yelled. She heard a creak and saw the last door in the corridor opened. She stalked there with determination. She hadn't been here for years, but she knew it was his study.

Sakura stepped into the room and found him sitting behind his desk, clearly waiting for her. His expression was calm and unreadable, but he wasn't smiling. Good, she thought, because if he had, she might've slapped him.

"You bastard…" Sakura said as she slowly approached him. "How could you?! How could you do that to me?!"

Eriol didn't reply.

"All these years! All of those things that I told him, and it was you?! It was you all along?!" Sakura was so angry, she could cry. "Midnight Magician?! What kind of name is that?!"

Still nothing. He just sat there quietly.

"Say something, damnit!" Sakura had reached his desk and slammed her hand on it.

"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry? I'm sorry that I lied to you? Because I'm not. I'm not sorry." Eriol said calmly.

Sakura looked at him. "You could've said something!"

"Tell me, Sakura, have I told you the truth, would you have written to me? Would you have continued our correspondent?" Eriol asked, his voice was still calm, but Sakura could detect some agitation beneath it.

"I…" Sakura thought of her answer. No, she wouldn't have. She was too angry at that time, she wouldn't have written back had she known it was him. "Why? Why did you write to me? You left me! Made me think that I mean nothing to you! That I'm just some sort of… of a caretaker for the cards and nothing else!"

Eriol was surprised. "God, Sakura… Where did you get that idea from?"

"You left without even saying goodbye! You taught me about my magic, then you left! What the hell was I suppose to think?!" Sakura asked angrily, but her energy was seeping out of her. She sat down heavily in the chair across form him. "For years, I tried to… I tried to pretend that everything is okay, that I'm okay."

"I meant what I said, I didn't want to leave you. But I thought you cared about him just as he cared about you." Eriol paused. "I wanted to tell you the truth, wanted to come clean, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, knowing that it would make you angry and you'd stop writing to me. Your mails, our correspondents, they're the only thing that kept me going, my only connection to you. If I had lost that too, I, I don't know what I'd do." Eriol admitted quietly.

"So you knew all along that I was her? Are you the one who invited me to the group in the first place?" Sakura asked.

"That would be Nakuru." Eriol told her with a smile. "I made her do it, of course." His smile disappeared. "After I left, I was lonely and I missed you. So I started looking for ways to connect to you and I came across that. I made Nakuru invite you and once you've joined, I reached out to you. If I couldn't be here with you in person, then at least, I could be your friend online."

Sakura was silent. "I missed you too." She said quietly. "I thought you left because you didn't care for me at all, that I'm nothing to you."

"You mean everything to me and I wanted you to be happy. I thought he could make you happy and I didn't want to stand in the way. So I left." Eriol repeated what he had told her in the mail.

"Did you mean it? The things that you wrote…" Sakura looked at him.

"Every single word." Eriol said firmly. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Sakura. I'm sorry I left you, made you think that I didn't care about you. That couldn't be further from the truth."

Sakura was silent as she thought about his words, both what he had told her just now and what he had told her in his mail. "What is the truth then, Eriol?"

Eriol got up from his seat and walked around the desk. He stopped and knelt down in front of her. "The truth, the absolute truth is, Sakura, I care about you. No, I love you. I've loved you from the first time I saw you and my love for you has only grown ever since. The truth is, you're the most important person in my life, not because of the cards, or magic, but because you're you." He reached to take her hand in his and held it gently. "The truth is, no matter what happens, no matter where I am, you are and you will always be the brightest star in my universe."

Tears were flowing down Sakura's cheeks at his confession. "I love you too." She told him. "I've loved you for so long, even when I was too afraid to acknowledge it. Even when I was angry with you, I still love you."

Eriol reached up to wipe her tears with his thumb. "Well then, Ms. Cherry Blossom, will you be my girlfriend?"

Sakura laughed as she cried and nodded her head repeatedly. "Yes, Mr. Midnight Magician. I will be your girlfriend."

Eriol smiled widely and then he pulled her to him and kissed her.


End file.
